I was reading the New York Times the other day and came across a long article about Glacier National Park , where I am going in Northern Montana. You can see the article in its entirety, as well as a little slide show, at www.nytimes/escapes.
It looks awesome, not like Spiccoli-speak "AWWWSUUUUMMM, dude! I'm so wasted," but awesome like truly awe-inspiring, full of awe (though, not awful, which is not what I mean to say at all.) However, it does bring to mind a few of my not-so-unspoken fears. For example, I have been worried for weeks that I will be eaten by a bear on this trip. Many people have pooh-poohed (heh heh -I said poo poo hed! Get it?) this idea, and my friend Alan told me I'd have to be a complete moron to actually be eaten. McAdams says if you walk down the trails calling "Yo, bear!", you'll be safe. (Evidently, bears respond to reverse psychology. If you beckon to them, they won't come. Good to know.) McAdams was once a waitress in the Glacier Park Cafe, so she should know. Still, I am wary, and the article has only made things worse. Since I know none of you will actually read the article I have gone to such pains to link, let me quote from page 2, paragraph 3:

Grizzly bears are thick in Glacier, and it's possible to run into one just about
anywhere. Many hikers carry small cans of bear repellent made from capsicum, the
active ingredient in hot peppers, which is a last line of defense should a bear
be surprised and act aggressively. The repellent is available at stores in the
park.

Fabulous. When the bear does eat me, I will be a spicy salsa treat. The article goes on further to say:

Open areas have been created by avalanches that have wiped out trees and created habitat for edible plants. That's why grizzly bears prowl the open areas. They can often be seen from the road far below, hunched over, their silver-tipped fur flashing as they dig furiously for ground squirrels or glacier lilies.

I consulted a species translating dictionary, and apparently "ground suirrels" is "people" in bear. It's official. I am afraid of bears. The article also talks about how dizzyingly, nauseatingly steep some of the trails are, and relays numerous occassions when people have careened over the gaurdrails, which they showed a picture of. The guard rails appear to be a bunch of rocks stacked up about two feet tall. Good enough for me, or anyone of my lanky frame. I think I am afraid of heights, too.

I am also afraid of things that adapt and evolve into unstoppable forces, like roaches. For example, I live in a lush, tropical, rainy area. (Follow the link, cyberstalkers, and narrow your nefarious search!) We have mosquitos that have evolved from giant man-eating dinosaurs (pterodactyl-homosapienyumicus). My brother-in-law, Eduardo, went to take the garbage out and lost roughly a pint of blood from his big toe.

Hideous, isn't it. I am also afraid of nutria, snakehead fish ( one of whom has evolved to the point of having his own blog, snakefishblog.blogspot.com; truly terrifying!), giant carp, and the government.

Special thanks for today's blog go to Eduardo and my Japanese friend Denichya, but not to Reid, whose comments are going to get me arrested and/or attacked.

BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check this out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU Do it!